Hi! I'm Kannade and this is me, online. This is where I feel the most comfortable being myself. This blog is primarily a personal/recovery blog. If you're interested in my fandoms, follow kannadesfandomreblogs, linked farther down on this page.
When I was in undergrad, I gained 20 pounds. No big deal. 20 pounds in four years, not too bad. That’s only 5 pounds a year.
When I was in grad school/lived out of my home state, I gained 30 pounds. That was 30 pounds in 3 years. I was concerned, cause much of the weight gain was due to emotional problems, but not concerned enough to change yet.
I had resolved to change when I moved out of my parents’ house, where I’ve been living for the past 3 1/2 years. My weight stayed pretty steady for most of that time, until now. I’ve gained 20 pounds in the last five months since starting my new medicine. One of its side effects can be weight gain, and I guess it is one of my side effects.
I have never hated the weight of my body. I’m discovering that I’ve hated my body for other reasons, but I’ve never hated myself for being medically overweight until now. I guess it’s because the weight gain has been so fast and I just feel uncomfortable all of the time. It hasn’t been gradual. I haven’t had time to get accustomed to my changing body. Now none of my clothes fit and I can’t curl up the way I used to.
I follow a lot of body positive blogs and I don’t think that anyone should have to change the size of their body to be happy with it. So now I’m feeling slightly ashamed for wanting to change mine. But my doctor has been concerned with my weight, and I’ve been concerned with the rate of my weight gain recently, and am ready to do something now.
I guess my question now is: shouldn’t one have a right to feel however she wants to about her body? Love or hate? Like or dislike? Content or wanting to change?
Now I want to change. And I think that’s good. I think I need it. I want to be able to do more things than my body will let me do right now. I want to have the energy to do more than I can right now. So here goes. Tomorrow I start a diet for the first time in my life, and hopefully some exercise. We’ll see what happens.
Is there an age where parents should stop pushing their children to do things they’re uncomfortable with? Isn’t there an age where we can say ‘that’s not going to work for me, I want to do it differently’? I’m twenty-eight fucking years old. Why won’t you respect my wishes? Why do you keep pushing me, manipulating me, not taking no for an answer? Leave me the fuck alone.
I can’t wait to get out of here.
He’s a good man and I love him. That’s what makes it complicated. Are we a good match? No. But I can’t bring myself to say ‘Let’s just be friends.’ Because he’s more than just my friend. Right now I’m just hoping that the impending distance will bring an end to things. How do I get the courage to do what I must?
"Hufflepuffs are known to have good friends in Slytherin. Hufflepuffs are some of the few who won’t judge based on negative rumours. This means they’re the most likely to approach Slytherins and help them when in need. This makes amazingly loyal friends between the houses. Mess with a Hufflepuff, and you’ll likely find a Slytherin getting revenge for the more forgiving house."
HELL YEAH FUCKING RIGHT
it’s true doe
Nothing major. I was just trying to phrase poetically a thought that came to my mind this evening after a comment from Mom. I shared an idea with her and she said “That’s going to be hard.” Which doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, except I’ve realized that it’s part of a pattern. I share an ambition, Mom (or Dad) is afraid that I can’t handle the disappointment if it doesn’t work out, and they either discourage me from doing it or try to prepare me for the worst-case scenario. Which usually discourages me from even trying. But I’m tired of not trying. I’d rather try and fail than just not do anything.
I’ve also realized the irony of what is going on right now with their advice about my education. I’m wanting to pursue education for a career that would fit me like a glove, but has fewer job prospects than teaching. They are afraid that I won’t be able to find a job and that that degree will be as “useless” as my current degree. But my sister is working toward a very specific field with a high competition job market, and they don’t seem to doubt her ability to make it. It’s like they doubt ME.
Again, nothing big happened, just something small that sparked a big train of thought.
emotional abuse is when someone does something to hurt you, and when you express your feelings, that you’re upset, they turn it around to be something you did to hurt them and they force you to apologize for it, and your feelings, like always, are rendered invalid and silenced, forever damaging the ability to trust others with your feelings because they always are used against you.